An Independence Day Toast

Here's to the privilege of raising our glasses in “the land of the free and the home of the brave.” We are grateful for unequaled liberties that allow us to freely and continually make terrible choices about work, women, and who we call "friend".

From the “mountains to the prairies” we are inspired by some of the most spectacular and diverse bars, taverns and pubs on our planet. From “sea to shining sea” we are privileged to spend a July afternoon in the perfect air conditioned darkness of a well-stocked drinking establishment of our choice. We have the freedom to choose which spirits move us and which lies to tell.

Here's to a celebration of being grateful for the ability to have a fully paid holiday and for the ability to say "fuck all the worries of the world".

Here's to Interstate 15, linking California to Las Vegas, which is paved with the blood of American Indians who gave their lives for the right of the white man to spend the weekend in a drunken stupor, gambling whoring and living in idiocracy.

Here's to the right of all Americans to sit in their own yards, yelling at their own kids while watching them blow off their fingers with fireworks purchased while on vacation in substandard countries such as Mexico, from real Mexicans, who were gracious enough to give up the great southwestern states for us to have these freedoms.

Here's to the right of all Americans to piss their pants and carry on conversations with nobody but themselves.

Here's to nosey neighbors who can't seem to mind their own fucking business.

Here's to our many different perspectives and ideologies. But, more importantly, here's to the ability to know which of those perspectives and ideologies are wrong and the freedom to tell the owners of those fucked-up viewpoints that they are wrong and to go fuck themselves.

Here's to stinky pussy.

Here's to “liberty and justice for all”.

Cheers big ears!