The Zecond Coming of Zima

Yes, Zima is coming back zoon. MillerCoors is poised to reintroduce the 1990s-era clear malt beverage that was once advertised as "zomething different."

Beer Business Daily reported that the brand is already in distributor warehouses and will allegedly "be offered for a limited time only." A MillerCoors spokesman said "more news [is] coming soon" and that "if you're one of the zillion fans who have missed Zima, the answer should be clear."

It was originally introduced to the entire US in 1994 and quickly sold 1.3 million barrels. But it didn't take long for it to fail due to medicinal taste and girly-man rep. By 1996, Zima's sales fell to just 403,000 barrels. Most drinkers assume that Zima vanished shortly thereafter and exists solely as a punch line. But Zima actually survived in the US until October 10, 2008. Rarely has such a famously shitty product enjoyed such a lengthy run, which is a testament to its brewers' marketing prowess.

The Zima that died a quiet death nine years ago is the same clear crap that they are preparing to serve up now. If you weren't around for Clinton's first term, the O.J. Simpson trial, and the Nancy Kerrigan kneecapping, you can't understand the horror of this drink. So, go ahead and try one. But please follow this advice: don't waste money on a 6-pack.