Thursday, March 21, 2019

Five Things You Should Not Do When Drunk


With the holidays approaching, assuming the Mayans just got lazy, booze will beckon and many will answer its call into the land of inebriation. Perhaps we can mitigate the damage with some timely advice – things you never want to do while drunk.

  1. Mix “grape with grain”. If you’re drinking wine, stick with wine, if you’re drinking cocktails, stick with cocktails. Don’t switch up at any point of the evening. It’s not an absolute, sure-fire way to avoid getting sick, but it’s a very good rule to live by. Wine and brandy are made from grapes. Most other booze (including beer) is made from some sort of grain. Don’t mix the two. Some say this is an old wive's tale. Maybe, maybe not. But don't take the chance. Trust me on this one.
  2. Significantly change an ongoing relationship. Don’t make the decision to make-up, break-up, or get married. Getting married is easy; putting up with each other for the rest of your life is not.
  3. Be profound. Do this and you’ll just be an asshole.
  4. Decide to get a tattoo. If you want a tattoo, it’s cool to have a few drinks before the artist starts in with the needle, but, don’t make the decision to get a tattoo when you’re drunk. If you are anything like me, you’ll end up getting something that you think is HILARIOUS while loaded, and then spend the rest of your life explaining the significance to everyone you meet.
  5. Get pregnant.

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